The Worst Junk in the World
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
What's Happening?
I watched A VERY SPECIAL LOVE today. I don't usually watch Tagalog movies in cinemas but I watched today coz I wanna see the reaction of people at every scene their going to see. Well, it didn't disappointed me. To be honest, I was entertained at the movie as much as I was entertained at how people reacted to the movie. There were some who screamed at everytime the major characters do the "kilig" moments. I don't wanna spoil your fun so I won't tell you anything about the movie.
So you may ask what's the connection of the above paunang sulat to the title? Well, honestly I don't know. Right now, I'm writing anything that really comes to me from my heart. Not really from deep within. Just writing something that is being dictated by my thoughts. "and i still believe I'm being dictated by my heart."
Lately. Well, this week, haven't really gone to school to much. Had a 2 days absent. though not simultaneously but in total i had a 2 absence at school today and i'm planning on having 2 more. I don't really know what's happening with my life but it just seem that I lost passion on everything I'm doing. I, now, never have the vigor I had before. The motivation of doing something. Right now, I'm much more occupied at staying home than staying outside. My life drastically changed after that petty fight with friends. My social life just went from 90% of total fun to a whooping 0%.
Nothing's exciting anymore. It seems I'm doomed for all eternity. Haha. Not for all eternity. Kidding aside, I can see my future dark. Unless I do something about it. But that's the major problem. I really don't know where to start and what to do about it. I'm getting lazier each day I live. I don't think I have a purpose anymore.
I'm so hooked up with the internet that I couldn't think anything more. I more into the net than in my studies. I practically spend more time in front of the computer, which sometimes range from morning till morning if you know what i mean, than reading my book.
I haven't even opened my book and actually read it. I've got so much plan in mind, but I couldn't make it into action because, I' more focused in making my GAIA avatar to be something much better. Like for example, I was planning on buying my friend a birthday present but well.. nothing happened. the money that was supposed to be used in buying the gift, i used it on something else. I'm a total crap without my friends. My life is in total ruins without them.
I have no one to talk to. I have no one to have fun with. I'm stuck in the four corners of my pathetic house!
I wanna go out. I wanna hang out with friends but they're all to busy to be hanging out with me. It's either they're busy or too much tired to be hanging out with me. Wow! I'm ranting. I'm ranting here. I can't believe I'm doing this. No one reads my entries but still I'm ranting as if there's someone who would give me some substantial information to get rid of my misery.
GOD! I'm beginning to really sound so pathetic! Damn! Even my relationship with my closest in the family is changing. Please. Someone . Please help me out here.
Technically, I haven't slept like a few days all in all. I guess that affected everything about me. My mood, my size, my weight, my habits. Everything. I need some sleep. Some nice massage. A cold room or something. A cold drink. Gym maybe. *haven't been back to the gym for months*
Oh!!! Enough of this crap! It's 2am and I'm still awake. but my eyes wants to close. *Yawn*
so I guess I have to see you tomorrow. Please... If someone is really reading my post... Please leave a comment, a visit to my site or just drop me a message.. a private message. Thanx!
So you may ask what's the connection of the above paunang sulat to the title? Well, honestly I don't know. Right now, I'm writing anything that really comes to me from my heart. Not really from deep within. Just writing something that is being dictated by my thoughts. "and i still believe I'm being dictated by my heart."
Lately. Well, this week, haven't really gone to school to much. Had a 2 days absent. though not simultaneously but in total i had a 2 absence at school today and i'm planning on having 2 more. I don't really know what's happening with my life but it just seem that I lost passion on everything I'm doing. I, now, never have the vigor I had before. The motivation of doing something. Right now, I'm much more occupied at staying home than staying outside. My life drastically changed after that petty fight with friends. My social life just went from 90% of total fun to a whooping 0%.
Nothing's exciting anymore. It seems I'm doomed for all eternity. Haha. Not for all eternity. Kidding aside, I can see my future dark. Unless I do something about it. But that's the major problem. I really don't know where to start and what to do about it. I'm getting lazier each day I live. I don't think I have a purpose anymore.
I'm so hooked up with the internet that I couldn't think anything more. I more into the net than in my studies. I practically spend more time in front of the computer, which sometimes range from morning till morning if you know what i mean, than reading my book.
I haven't even opened my book and actually read it. I've got so much plan in mind, but I couldn't make it into action because, I' more focused in making my GAIA avatar to be something much better. Like for example, I was planning on buying my friend a birthday present but well.. nothing happened. the money that was supposed to be used in buying the gift, i used it on something else. I'm a total crap without my friends. My life is in total ruins without them.
I have no one to talk to. I have no one to have fun with. I'm stuck in the four corners of my pathetic house!
I wanna go out. I wanna hang out with friends but they're all to busy to be hanging out with me. It's either they're busy or too much tired to be hanging out with me. Wow! I'm ranting. I'm ranting here. I can't believe I'm doing this. No one reads my entries but still I'm ranting as if there's someone who would give me some substantial information to get rid of my misery.
GOD! I'm beginning to really sound so pathetic! Damn! Even my relationship with my closest in the family is changing. Please. Someone . Please help me out here.
Technically, I haven't slept like a few days all in all. I guess that affected everything about me. My mood, my size, my weight, my habits. Everything. I need some sleep. Some nice massage. A cold room or something. A cold drink. Gym maybe. *haven't been back to the gym for months*
Oh!!! Enough of this crap! It's 2am and I'm still awake. but my eyes wants to close. *Yawn*
so I guess I have to see you tomorrow. Please... If someone is really reading my post... Please leave a comment, a visit to my site or just drop me a message.. a private message. Thanx!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
When you're not yet writing, Ideas and Ideas floods your mind. When you are about to write those ideas, they suddenly disappear which i found very odd. One major reason why I don't write here very often. I don't have anything to say. Ideas started flooding me, but then when i open this site I just don't know what to write and where to start.
Yesterday, all the classes in the mid morning were canceled because of the upcoming teacher's retreat. Everybody was so excited but I wasn't. Why? Well, I guess because I never really stayed in school that much especially now I only have 15 units in college. Which is not a very student like situation. I bet you already know the whole story. I've posted it in my past entries.
Honestly, I'm here trying to pour out the emotions that's been kept inside of me for a very longtime. I don't know until when can I keep this. I've started seeing the effects of keeping something for so long and it's not good. Trust me. I even wonder why I have to keep this. Surely you guys don't want your secrets out right? I guess that's my reason. But this secret of mine is such a burden that I can't live my life properly. Its as if every move is limited. Its as if, everyone's watching my every move that I'd just stop. Afraid of what others might think. I'm never really the 'talky' type of guys when it comes to my personal life. Everything's kept secret about me. Well, though there are some things that I had to show as me, there are also things that I'm not yet ready to reveal to you guys.
It destroys the sense of mystery. Though personally, I don't like mysteries. It keeps my mind working and when I can't figure it out, I get pissed off.
OK. So let me start talking about what happened a 2 days ago. I really wanted to tell you this. 2 days ago was a friend's coming to womanhood, as said by my other good friend. I've met this girl during my freshmen year in college. We were introduced by a common friend. We never really interacted since we don't really know each other that well. We only know names. I just gotten close to her recently. We're classmates on my history class. As I've said, 2 days ago was her birthday. The night before, she sent me an SMS telling me that I'd be part of her party's program. I'm one of what they call the "treasures". I was shocked! Why in a very short notice? I'm not good with finding gifts for anyone. Why not inform me a week or so before the upcoming event? I was a little pissed off to be honest. I don't wanna be rushed. I want to think things over before doing something.
On her birthday, I had to rush somewhere to buy her something. Good thing I thought about the shop my brother use to go into. It's a botique for both men and women. So I went there scan on some clothes. I never expected they cost so much and I only have 500 in my pocket. Good thing some items were on sale. But still I had to use up 160 from my allowance. I was now ready for my speech coz I'm suppose to give a speech together with the gift. I should explain the significance of the gift.
OK. So when we went there, me and a girl friend were the first ones there. and the debutant's mom. We were talking about this and that. Not really want to go on the details of what we've talked about. LOL Then another friend.. Someone special to me came. But that's another story that I'm going to put up after this. This is surely going to be a long long entry. Back to where we ended. We waited till 9pm for a party that should have started 2 hours ago. People around were already complaining. Me... I thought, "who am i to complain? I'm just a guest."
So when the party started, this and that.. a lot of program. I waited for my part. Where I will give my gift and then my message which I practiced so many times in my chair not wanting to look like a fool. But, the party ended without me saying anything. I thought, I shouldn't have bought that gift. I really never give gifts because its something i think makes me have lesser money. Yes. I'm a self-centered asshole when it comes to money. Money is very important nowadays. I don't just give them away. But it's fine. I guess that's really it. Let things fall into place. What happens, happens... What's not going to happen, isn't going to happen.
Now, proceed to that special friend of mine. Special doesn't mean something that includes love. Special because he... yes take note.. he's a guy so forget about that LOVE LOVE thing. We're just friends. Special because he made a very great impact in my life. He's like the person that I really want to call my best friend. But due to i-dunno-circumstances, it never happened though i guess we tried. We used to be good friends before. We talk a lot, laugh a lot, tell jokes, etc. but i dunno what happened that made everything so different.
We just stopped talking to each other. All of a sudden we just find it awkward to talk to each other. I dunno why I feel so awkward everytime he's there.
During the party, he was sitting beside me. I was just silent. I was trying to draw my attention away from him. but honestly, we were feeling each other. we were like thinking who's going to make the first move on opening a topic to talk about. I was thinking I should just go first, but when i was about to talk, CAT GOT MY TONGUE. I just can't. I dunno why but I can't talk. It's like we're really destined not to talk to each other though i really wanted to.
I want to bring back the friendship that we use to have. Well, through the course of the party, we started having small talks. Just a simple question with just one answer then silent again. Then we make fun of one of our friends then silent again. I just really miss being with that guy... We use to have a lot of fun before. At school, we never talk. It's as if we don't know each other. We try avoiding each other. In my mind, I was planning on doing something but when I'm already there.. I just blew it up out of my mind. then viola! again.. nothing happened.
The party was a little something. Made my night. But not really.
Yesterday, all the classes in the mid morning were canceled because of the upcoming teacher's retreat. Everybody was so excited but I wasn't. Why? Well, I guess because I never really stayed in school that much especially now I only have 15 units in college. Which is not a very student like situation. I bet you already know the whole story. I've posted it in my past entries.
Honestly, I'm here trying to pour out the emotions that's been kept inside of me for a very longtime. I don't know until when can I keep this. I've started seeing the effects of keeping something for so long and it's not good. Trust me. I even wonder why I have to keep this. Surely you guys don't want your secrets out right? I guess that's my reason. But this secret of mine is such a burden that I can't live my life properly. Its as if every move is limited. Its as if, everyone's watching my every move that I'd just stop. Afraid of what others might think. I'm never really the 'talky' type of guys when it comes to my personal life. Everything's kept secret about me. Well, though there are some things that I had to show as me, there are also things that I'm not yet ready to reveal to you guys.
It destroys the sense of mystery. Though personally, I don't like mysteries. It keeps my mind working and when I can't figure it out, I get pissed off.
OK. So let me start talking about what happened a 2 days ago. I really wanted to tell you this. 2 days ago was a friend's coming to womanhood, as said by my other good friend. I've met this girl during my freshmen year in college. We were introduced by a common friend. We never really interacted since we don't really know each other that well. We only know names. I just gotten close to her recently. We're classmates on my history class. As I've said, 2 days ago was her birthday. The night before, she sent me an SMS telling me that I'd be part of her party's program. I'm one of what they call the "treasures". I was shocked! Why in a very short notice? I'm not good with finding gifts for anyone. Why not inform me a week or so before the upcoming event? I was a little pissed off to be honest. I don't wanna be rushed. I want to think things over before doing something.
On her birthday, I had to rush somewhere to buy her something. Good thing I thought about the shop my brother use to go into. It's a botique for both men and women. So I went there scan on some clothes. I never expected they cost so much and I only have 500 in my pocket. Good thing some items were on sale. But still I had to use up 160 from my allowance. I was now ready for my speech coz I'm suppose to give a speech together with the gift. I should explain the significance of the gift.
OK. So when we went there, me and a girl friend were the first ones there. and the debutant's mom. We were talking about this and that. Not really want to go on the details of what we've talked about. LOL Then another friend.. Someone special to me came. But that's another story that I'm going to put up after this. This is surely going to be a long long entry. Back to where we ended. We waited till 9pm for a party that should have started 2 hours ago. People around were already complaining. Me... I thought, "who am i to complain? I'm just a guest."
So when the party started, this and that.. a lot of program. I waited for my part. Where I will give my gift and then my message which I practiced so many times in my chair not wanting to look like a fool. But, the party ended without me saying anything. I thought, I shouldn't have bought that gift. I really never give gifts because its something i think makes me have lesser money. Yes. I'm a self-centered asshole when it comes to money. Money is very important nowadays. I don't just give them away. But it's fine. I guess that's really it. Let things fall into place. What happens, happens... What's not going to happen, isn't going to happen.
Now, proceed to that special friend of mine. Special doesn't mean something that includes love. Special because he... yes take note.. he's a guy so forget about that LOVE LOVE thing. We're just friends. Special because he made a very great impact in my life. He's like the person that I really want to call my best friend. But due to i-dunno-circumstances, it never happened though i guess we tried. We used to be good friends before. We talk a lot, laugh a lot, tell jokes, etc. but i dunno what happened that made everything so different.
We just stopped talking to each other. All of a sudden we just find it awkward to talk to each other. I dunno why I feel so awkward everytime he's there.
During the party, he was sitting beside me. I was just silent. I was trying to draw my attention away from him. but honestly, we were feeling each other. we were like thinking who's going to make the first move on opening a topic to talk about. I was thinking I should just go first, but when i was about to talk, CAT GOT MY TONGUE. I just can't. I dunno why but I can't talk. It's like we're really destined not to talk to each other though i really wanted to.
I want to bring back the friendship that we use to have. Well, through the course of the party, we started having small talks. Just a simple question with just one answer then silent again. Then we make fun of one of our friends then silent again. I just really miss being with that guy... We use to have a lot of fun before. At school, we never talk. It's as if we don't know each other. We try avoiding each other. In my mind, I was planning on doing something but when I'm already there.. I just blew it up out of my mind. then viola! again.. nothing happened.
The party was a little something. Made my night. But not really.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Hey everyone! Long time. *I don't know if I'm speaking to anybody here, but whatever!* Yes. Let's call it, "I'm busy at the moment!" Been doing a lot of things at home and in school. Sometimes, I just really don't feel like writing or anything. Well, now, I felt I need to because some shit of a people is *yes, currently while I'm typing this* harassing me for being in front of the computer. This shit is telling me things that I don't understand *well, i clearly understand. What I don't understand is why is he telling me things.* I know what I'm doing. Yes. I know everything that I'm doing. I'm not influenced by anybody around here. Especially not the young 'uns *young ones*
I joined myself in some gaming site not because I'm influenced by someone younger. I joined in because I got curious about it. and because i have a great eye on great games, i tried it out. Damn you if you tell me I'm influenced by my cousin. Damn you if you tell me that I should be the one influencing younger ones because I'm the one older. I hate being told what to do. Especially when that something is contradicting what I believe in. Yes, I'm a close minded person. but I can be open to things if I see that I really should believe in it.
This time, this man is telling me things that is just absurd. He has a very shallow reasoning, maybe due to his getting of old age. I'm supposed to understand this person because he's someone related but no!! I just had enough of his bantering! He always tries on aiming the guns on me. He's pissed off maybe because luck has been on my side. Because someone he didn't like is bringing me to the states. Because he thinks, his pride is being stepped on because he can't control me and i'm listening more to the person that's gonna bring me to the states... GRR!!
I'm pissed off... He's trying to control over me. I need to fight back! He's not gonna win over me!
I joined myself in some gaming site not because I'm influenced by someone younger. I joined in because I got curious about it. and because i have a great eye on great games, i tried it out. Damn you if you tell me I'm influenced by my cousin. Damn you if you tell me that I should be the one influencing younger ones because I'm the one older. I hate being told what to do. Especially when that something is contradicting what I believe in. Yes, I'm a close minded person. but I can be open to things if I see that I really should believe in it.
This time, this man is telling me things that is just absurd. He has a very shallow reasoning, maybe due to his getting of old age. I'm supposed to understand this person because he's someone related but no!! I just had enough of his bantering! He always tries on aiming the guns on me. He's pissed off maybe because luck has been on my side. Because someone he didn't like is bringing me to the states. Because he thinks, his pride is being stepped on because he can't control me and i'm listening more to the person that's gonna bring me to the states... GRR!!
I'm pissed off... He's trying to control over me. I need to fight back! He's not gonna win over me!
