The Worst Junk in the World
Thursday, July 24, 2008
When you're not yet writing, Ideas and Ideas floods your mind. When you are about to write those ideas, they suddenly disappear which i found very odd. One major reason why I don't write here very often. I don't have anything to say. Ideas started flooding me, but then when i open this site I just don't know what to write and where to start.
Yesterday, all the classes in the mid morning were canceled because of the upcoming teacher's retreat. Everybody was so excited but I wasn't. Why? Well, I guess because I never really stayed in school that much especially now I only have 15 units in college. Which is not a very student like situation. I bet you already know the whole story. I've posted it in my past entries.
Honestly, I'm here trying to pour out the emotions that's been kept inside of me for a very longtime. I don't know until when can I keep this. I've started seeing the effects of keeping something for so long and it's not good. Trust me. I even wonder why I have to keep this. Surely you guys don't want your secrets out right? I guess that's my reason. But this secret of mine is such a burden that I can't live my life properly. Its as if every move is limited. Its as if, everyone's watching my every move that I'd just stop. Afraid of what others might think. I'm never really the 'talky' type of guys when it comes to my personal life. Everything's kept secret about me. Well, though there are some things that I had to show as me, there are also things that I'm not yet ready to reveal to you guys.
It destroys the sense of mystery. Though personally, I don't like mysteries. It keeps my mind working and when I can't figure it out, I get pissed off.
OK. So let me start talking about what happened a 2 days ago. I really wanted to tell you this. 2 days ago was a friend's coming to womanhood, as said by my other good friend. I've met this girl during my freshmen year in college. We were introduced by a common friend. We never really interacted since we don't really know each other that well. We only know names. I just gotten close to her recently. We're classmates on my history class. As I've said, 2 days ago was her birthday. The night before, she sent me an SMS telling me that I'd be part of her party's program. I'm one of what they call the "treasures". I was shocked! Why in a very short notice? I'm not good with finding gifts for anyone. Why not inform me a week or so before the upcoming event? I was a little pissed off to be honest. I don't wanna be rushed. I want to think things over before doing something.
On her birthday, I had to rush somewhere to buy her something. Good thing I thought about the shop my brother use to go into. It's a botique for both men and women. So I went there scan on some clothes. I never expected they cost so much and I only have 500 in my pocket. Good thing some items were on sale. But still I had to use up 160 from my allowance. I was now ready for my speech coz I'm suppose to give a speech together with the gift. I should explain the significance of the gift.
OK. So when we went there, me and a girl friend were the first ones there. and the debutant's mom. We were talking about this and that. Not really want to go on the details of what we've talked about. LOL Then another friend.. Someone special to me came. But that's another story that I'm going to put up after this. This is surely going to be a long long entry. Back to where we ended. We waited till 9pm for a party that should have started 2 hours ago. People around were already complaining. Me... I thought, "who am i to complain? I'm just a guest."
So when the party started, this and that.. a lot of program. I waited for my part. Where I will give my gift and then my message which I practiced so many times in my chair not wanting to look like a fool. But, the party ended without me saying anything. I thought, I shouldn't have bought that gift. I really never give gifts because its something i think makes me have lesser money. Yes. I'm a self-centered asshole when it comes to money. Money is very important nowadays. I don't just give them away. But it's fine. I guess that's really it. Let things fall into place. What happens, happens... What's not going to happen, isn't going to happen.
Now, proceed to that special friend of mine. Special doesn't mean something that includes love. Special because he... yes take note.. he's a guy so forget about that LOVE LOVE thing. We're just friends. Special because he made a very great impact in my life. He's like the person that I really want to call my best friend. But due to i-dunno-circumstances, it never happened though i guess we tried. We used to be good friends before. We talk a lot, laugh a lot, tell jokes, etc. but i dunno what happened that made everything so different.
We just stopped talking to each other. All of a sudden we just find it awkward to talk to each other. I dunno why I feel so awkward everytime he's there.
During the party, he was sitting beside me. I was just silent. I was trying to draw my attention away from him. but honestly, we were feeling each other. we were like thinking who's going to make the first move on opening a topic to talk about. I was thinking I should just go first, but when i was about to talk, CAT GOT MY TONGUE. I just can't. I dunno why but I can't talk. It's like we're really destined not to talk to each other though i really wanted to.
I want to bring back the friendship that we use to have. Well, through the course of the party, we started having small talks. Just a simple question with just one answer then silent again. Then we make fun of one of our friends then silent again. I just really miss being with that guy... We use to have a lot of fun before. At school, we never talk. It's as if we don't know each other. We try avoiding each other. In my mind, I was planning on doing something but when I'm already there.. I just blew it up out of my mind. then viola! again.. nothing happened.
The party was a little something. Made my night. But not really.
Yesterday, all the classes in the mid morning were canceled because of the upcoming teacher's retreat. Everybody was so excited but I wasn't. Why? Well, I guess because I never really stayed in school that much especially now I only have 15 units in college. Which is not a very student like situation. I bet you already know the whole story. I've posted it in my past entries.
Honestly, I'm here trying to pour out the emotions that's been kept inside of me for a very longtime. I don't know until when can I keep this. I've started seeing the effects of keeping something for so long and it's not good. Trust me. I even wonder why I have to keep this. Surely you guys don't want your secrets out right? I guess that's my reason. But this secret of mine is such a burden that I can't live my life properly. Its as if every move is limited. Its as if, everyone's watching my every move that I'd just stop. Afraid of what others might think. I'm never really the 'talky' type of guys when it comes to my personal life. Everything's kept secret about me. Well, though there are some things that I had to show as me, there are also things that I'm not yet ready to reveal to you guys.
It destroys the sense of mystery. Though personally, I don't like mysteries. It keeps my mind working and when I can't figure it out, I get pissed off.
OK. So let me start talking about what happened a 2 days ago. I really wanted to tell you this. 2 days ago was a friend's coming to womanhood, as said by my other good friend. I've met this girl during my freshmen year in college. We were introduced by a common friend. We never really interacted since we don't really know each other that well. We only know names. I just gotten close to her recently. We're classmates on my history class. As I've said, 2 days ago was her birthday. The night before, she sent me an SMS telling me that I'd be part of her party's program. I'm one of what they call the "treasures". I was shocked! Why in a very short notice? I'm not good with finding gifts for anyone. Why not inform me a week or so before the upcoming event? I was a little pissed off to be honest. I don't wanna be rushed. I want to think things over before doing something.
On her birthday, I had to rush somewhere to buy her something. Good thing I thought about the shop my brother use to go into. It's a botique for both men and women. So I went there scan on some clothes. I never expected they cost so much and I only have 500 in my pocket. Good thing some items were on sale. But still I had to use up 160 from my allowance. I was now ready for my speech coz I'm suppose to give a speech together with the gift. I should explain the significance of the gift.
OK. So when we went there, me and a girl friend were the first ones there. and the debutant's mom. We were talking about this and that. Not really want to go on the details of what we've talked about. LOL Then another friend.. Someone special to me came. But that's another story that I'm going to put up after this. This is surely going to be a long long entry. Back to where we ended. We waited till 9pm for a party that should have started 2 hours ago. People around were already complaining. Me... I thought, "who am i to complain? I'm just a guest."
So when the party started, this and that.. a lot of program. I waited for my part. Where I will give my gift and then my message which I practiced so many times in my chair not wanting to look like a fool. But, the party ended without me saying anything. I thought, I shouldn't have bought that gift. I really never give gifts because its something i think makes me have lesser money. Yes. I'm a self-centered asshole when it comes to money. Money is very important nowadays. I don't just give them away. But it's fine. I guess that's really it. Let things fall into place. What happens, happens... What's not going to happen, isn't going to happen.
Now, proceed to that special friend of mine. Special doesn't mean something that includes love. Special because he... yes take note.. he's a guy so forget about that LOVE LOVE thing. We're just friends. Special because he made a very great impact in my life. He's like the person that I really want to call my best friend. But due to i-dunno-circumstances, it never happened though i guess we tried. We used to be good friends before. We talk a lot, laugh a lot, tell jokes, etc. but i dunno what happened that made everything so different.
We just stopped talking to each other. All of a sudden we just find it awkward to talk to each other. I dunno why I feel so awkward everytime he's there.
During the party, he was sitting beside me. I was just silent. I was trying to draw my attention away from him. but honestly, we were feeling each other. we were like thinking who's going to make the first move on opening a topic to talk about. I was thinking I should just go first, but when i was about to talk, CAT GOT MY TONGUE. I just can't. I dunno why but I can't talk. It's like we're really destined not to talk to each other though i really wanted to.
I want to bring back the friendship that we use to have. Well, through the course of the party, we started having small talks. Just a simple question with just one answer then silent again. Then we make fun of one of our friends then silent again. I just really miss being with that guy... We use to have a lot of fun before. At school, we never talk. It's as if we don't know each other. We try avoiding each other. In my mind, I was planning on doing something but when I'm already there.. I just blew it up out of my mind. then viola! again.. nothing happened.
The party was a little something. Made my night. But not really.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home